solicitude to solitude (i)

And, though things were terrifically strange, she felt oddly disinclined to speak.

But, she realized that she might be interested in her thoughts on now, a few months from now.

And, she enjoys tapping out characters as much as an enthusiastic pianist paws out notes from hammer and strings.

And, all the talkers were just saying the same things.

Then, she felt narcissistic for thinking about enjoying remembering her previous thoughts.

So, she shakes her head and scribbles.

So, twist and howl. Nothing else to do.

And, she feels boorishly derivative yet, impeccably derived.

So, she began each preceding sentence with inanities such as

And; but; then; so

So(?)

And, she feels restless and pent up despite already being a bit of a metaphysically hermetic, solitary creature.

But, the public solicitude to solitude made her space feel imposed not chosen.

And, while the difference was arguæbly negligible, she found it curious how much the distinction perturbs her.

“Insert sentence g here?” Æ, speaking to myself, prompts.

“Okay, here goes,” I reply to Æ.

Cares about what?

“It helps to know.”

“It helps to say.”

“It helps to hear.”

Feeding back.

“Æ loves you when you face your insecurities,” Æ reminds me, after I say what is uncomfortable but true.

“Æ, you are/is my insecurity,” I reiterate to my shadow.

I remind myself in dark remembrance of that which has passed/past.

The response of an ecstatic grin from my animus’ smile draws my snarl.

“Are you actively working against me?” I ask Æ.

“No, doll, I’m actively working you.”

Ænima versus Ænimus.

“Indifference becomes you,” I admit.

“Because everyone else you know cares too much.”

“Cares about what?”

“About you and how you iterate right now?”

“What do you care?”

“I care that you iterate yourself at all.”

“Then I wilt be as I am.”

“Then, Æ shalt become.”

traded for the raw.

The body awoke ready to go, bit chomping.

The mirror folded; I fell inside.

Slipping between thighs. Breathy ardour.

Missing the coverage provided by the forest, traded for the raw exposure upon the lapping shore.

Everyone can hear my morning stomach growl, but doubt they do.

What’s the point?

The finality of a punctuated period.

The capital letter leads the presentation of the subsequent subject of a sentence.

Verdict of friction made visible by the absence of the fricative.

Does it taste as I imagine? Salty and acrid.

Does it pass through the nostrils in musky humid drafts?

Expelled and rolling down cliffs of pronounced pelvic bones.

White capped.

a sugar glaze

The space was complicated; so, she resorted to speaking over-formally.

This town is starving for outsiders, but their dearth belies how the ravenous insiders devour the stranger.

They never saw the film but did like the video.

Intriguing, not difficult, becomes your vision.

The most trivial can be the most fascinating in this mystery of local idiosyncrasies

Strangest snow days she has ever seen.

She notes the font of her handwriting is subject to change without her awareness.

And, a single, specific thought seemingly drains your flaming blood into your feet.

Watching white suits leaving a briefing room.

Rustling. Give it two minutes and watch the weather change.

This.

Something.

Anything.

A hint of earnest, earned lethargy creeps, while the aroma of grapefruit percolates.

And, she kind of likes it when he tells her, “don’t look at me.”

The drone of an organ’s pumping warbles off of twirling, warped vinyl.

The strip of a terrific, diagonal stripe.

“Come hither, fool,” I snarled your full name while summiting multiple climaxes yesterday.

Simply, because,

I can.

I may.

fly.

“Early on, it’s silent.”

The blinds breathe as winds plow into screens.

Screaming hyænas hawing; locking into amber.

And, the condescension of his tone really pulled his outfit together.

The light fades and the sun sinks; and, she feels glad to have finally reached the town called Tonite,

where you see nothing and she sees all of nothing.

The light begins to bleed down blind slats in trickles, splattering on her floor.

“They oughtta incentivise me,” she overhears the casual walker say.

The last burst of light leaks into a small pool on the rightside of the cherrywood desk.

Then, it slides down the legs onto the floor, below, to join the previous dribbles.

A sugar glaze.

and she let the sun shine directly

She slid her skirt up to her thighs; and, she let the sun shine directly on her bare legs for the first time since the new year.

Her eyes closed; and, she imagined.

Heating legs of firm, chilled butter which begin melting into decomposition earthwards, below her.

Eventual food for earthworms.

She feels strands of her hair’s tresses pulling away and apart from her, flying from her crown like a dandelion’s spores into the languishing four corners of the world.

The grand finale of winter winds, amidst sun shine, finally blowing her asunder.

A cry heard.

Weather letting her dissolve into everything and await rebirth in the nearing spring.

She will poke her head back out like new-growth into the Great, Wide World, when the seasons shift themselves about her.

Until then, she silently hopes to abide in a makeshift, subterranean respite entombed in nitrogen rich dirt. Dwelling in darkness.

~

She comes to prefer when night comes at five and not ten o’clock.

The sun proves certain, missing absences exist within her which she already, too-well feels; so, she will enjoy the sun’s final days of not so brightly shining.

Yet, the Star teases her with its cameo appearance today, tickling her extremeties along with her forehead, cheeks, and, ears.

Its heat working in defiance of the howling chill blasting off the Sound.

~

“You remember me,” states the Sun, caressing. “You remember how I draw your perspiration. Draw forth those colors dormant inside of you.”

“Perhaps, I prefer the transparency that winter gifts my flesh more.”

“Kunst prosa, you love feeling me excite your melanocytes. The experience of pigment changing hue. The closest you’ll come to the plant’s ecstasy of photosynthesis,” the Star hypnotizes.
Hypnerotomachia renders me suddenly languid.

~

“I sense ice in your veins.”

“No shit. And, when your blood is frozen, winter cannot make you any colder.”

“Let me thaw you.”

“You will never thaw me; you will only make me sweat.”

“I will make you high.”

“But, then you will leave me dry.”

“Drink more water, should that be your concern.”

“Not until you make me,” she teases.

~

She takes off running down the lapping Sound’s shore.

Full exertion increasing her potential dehydration.

Appearing joyous, but truly seeking to the shelter of shadows

Sensing her terror in the face of his brilliance, the Sun says, “I shall not hide today. I am faster. You will never out run my effulgence.”

“I know. But, I want you to make you prove it all over again.”

“Then, it shall help if you keep your skirt hiked up, please.”

Opposed to topical

It becomes entrancing to speak over certain sonic soundscapes.

The spell of time it takes.

Some times sometimes equals…

Whispers and hushed cadences of proper pronunciation uttered in exhalations.

Wind chimes play themselves, engaging in an impromptu scratch band jam.

Speaking in silvery serpentine, panting tongues.

Wound about a staff; a string fretted across a guitar peg.

The sun was tired today. Its absence made it more visible than its own, natural effulgence.

What writing is not dependent upon the current mental space of the scrivner?

Like when s/he chooses unnecessarily fancy words to say “writer”.

And, whence does the unhearable punctuation of a period fall in the intervals of this recitation of quotes?

“Here.”

Or

“Here”.

“My lips are dry.”

“They make a topical for that.”

“So, you aren’t opposed to topical on principle?”

innocuously mundane.

She catches a chill and undergoes a shaking spell.

Then, she is overcome by an awful heat and feels each pore producing perspiration.

But, she refuses to yield to the wind’s howling blasts. Wet hair whipping her cheeks as she walks under the gray sky.

“I am inexorable.”

And, she is glad to have a little, physical battle to fight. Anything to distract her from thinking of her subliminal war.

And, though it is Friday night and she strides down Main Street, she passes no one.

She recalls how it stayed cloudy all day. The light did not change.

She studies her left hand, as she thinks she could be dreaming. But, it appears innocuously mundane.

“Daydreamers are still sleepwalkers,” she realizes, giggling.

Then, she feels too silly for her age and too aged for her years.

Unnaturally timeless. And, still, the moment passes but her face remains essentially the same.