Category: Writing

A Hostess Double Hum

The beach preservation, busy body society returns for the weekly dish.

Silver hair happy hour but with coffee and tea only.

As lively and loud as any bar at midnight.

Eight women and four men.

I hear battle stories of having both hips replaced.

Today, the one tops speak few words to me, if any.

They lead me to the table they want.

The sun shines on the new mural in the alley across the street.

I see it through the reflection of a storefront window.

Suddenly, a silver hair exclaims: that’s what panties are for!

I turn away to lose myself in a laugh.

⊙

She says: I’d like a half glass of water with no ice.

Okay.

Early afternoon and the stranger birds arrive.

⊙

It is like summer in full swing.

People eat later.

Packs of wild children roam the streets like feral dogs.

B. and L. come in. I never remember them until they lead me to their spot.

Table 13.

One water and one merlot.

Oh yeah. I knew that.

The 4 o’clock hour. Brutally slow.

A man passes by on the sidewalk wearing a large ring on each finger.

I must be in a mood as I find it strangely attractive.

⊙

“If you were any younger I’d be worried about you.” I hear server J. say.

I ask what that was about.

“Oh, he produced a full-sized screwdriver out of his pants pocket and surprised himself. It’s what happens when you are nearly a hundred years old.”

Dreams of a strange prairie

I dreamt I was a shepherd, last night.

I care for four steer and five wolves.

The wolves try to eat the cattle if I don’t pay attention.

But, the scenery is beautiful so it is no trouble.

I have a partner. We ride horses like cattle ranchers.

His face burned off in a fire.

He does not tell me what happened.

My sense is it occurred aeons ago.

He does not appear burnt. He looks like a sheet stretched over a face.

Smooth. No orifices where nostrils, mouth, eye sockets should be.

Infinitely kind.

We drive our herd and pack along cliff sides.
Kirkcudbright feelings.

We enter a tangle of a forest.

Dark bark and leaves of the deepest green.

It was just noon. The sun does not shine here despite the canopy cover being quite sparse.

It is quiet.

The trees become grayer.

We enter a corridor demarcated by maleficently gnarled trees.

I can spy a clearing situated on the opposite side.

It contains grotesque goats.

12 hands high with spiraling horns.

Their coats are filthy. Horrendous in volume and stringiness.

They graze on the plentiful grass.

Ripping it out of the earth like lions ripping muscles from felled prey.

I feel myself instinctively raising my attention.

There is no fear.

I think: this would make a good painting.

Svetlana Zakharova as Aegina, Spartacus

No rights: just homage.

Utterly unlike most other ballets with which I am familiar.

The beginning seems a bit campy. Perhaps dated.

Give it a little less than three minutes and see a reincarnated pole dance.

Parçigal from between time or Circumstance

Background notes:

Parzifal is the “collective tradition of mankind…is not subject to Time or Circumstance.”

Is for those born of the ‘Heart’s Affliction.’

Researching Parzifal led me to the works of C.S. Jones who wrote The Chalice of Ecstasy “to make the points dealt with [in the drama] as comprehensive as possible to the uninitiated enquirer who is prepared to ‘wake and harken the call.’ “

The writing below is an exercise in synthesis.
All quoted text is pulled from The Chalice of Ecstasy.
All quoted text within quotation marks are quotes Jones included in his work.
He also used WOLFRAM VON ESCHENBACH’s text Parzival as his basis. He does recommend a good translation of the Libretto from R. Wagner’s Parsifal.

Parzival is “written in the keynote of ecstasy” according to Wolfram von Eschenbach and “provides a glimpse of the Eternal Reality.” A key event in the story is Parzival shooting a swan from the sky. The swan represents ecstasy. Parzival should have been condemned for this but is not because of the unique confluence of his circumstances. I like to use the allegory of Parzival which is considered a “living text” as a means of discussing sexuality and gender roles/definition. I also like the idea of the newest incarnation of Parzival being from the perspective of a feminine knight questing for love and understanding with the former.

¤

My ecstasy has indicated I was “born of the ‘Heart’s Affliction.’ “

I found my “way to that spot where they, ‘scarcely move, yet seem to run’ “.

“Having become one with The Way,” I have just come to Tao.

I “discover that the shifting scenes of the world [I] had though so real, will pass [me] by as a pageant until the Vision of the Grail itself is presented to their pure Understanding.” But howl surprised was I to see both you and I.

I fear I believe that all that is written above has occured to me again and again.

I simply continue for long enough to forget and remember it all over again.

A chALice emptied and refilled.

My heart “learned to beat in time and tune with the Soul of the World.”

Rhythm and vibrations are everything we think we know. What is rhythm but

a wave? A wavelength. An S rotated 90% and crossing an axis. Periodicity of the pendulous arm’s swings.

Rhythm is the steady crashing of waves falling.

The entire ocean is every wave.

¤

I feel my being “to be a highly strung musical instrument.”

Fret awaiting fretting. Tuned to the proper tone to be strummed and plucked upon.

A fitt “burn[s] up the veils which hide [me] from Myself.”

It reveals you. A familiar stranger.

Strum me.

“Will runs over [my] strings” and I come to know how to reveal how it is “causing complete and harmonious vibrations.” Do you choose to experience this in your own being? Show me the “unformulated but delightful melody” that is the same song Whitman sang.

The Song of Myself.

I will dance to your song simply because you choose to perform it for me.

I will conduct your currents as you emit them.

I will empty you to refill you.

I am an empty plenum. I contain everything in my nothingness.

I know not the rituals. Yet still I seek to continually “unite the mind to some pure idea by an act of will.” This is the brick wall against which I slam my head “again and again.” The wall where you found me bleeding and dizzy, next to the eggshell pieces of Humpty Dumpty. Alice remembers her name again.

I know not the “Way of Holiness.” I may not impress upon the consciousness of your onlookers.

No-One is the only one that looks upon me thusly.

I am a pure Fool, ignorant and earnest. Before that I was a dummy. I could not speak. I have always been an idiotē.

I have always been the unaffiliated Maverick roaming through the initiated herds, admiring the brands, the symbols emblazoned upon their skin.

My skin is marred by time and circumstance.

My skin is completely unmarked.

Canvas.

¤

“ “There is a Swan whose name is Ecstasy.” “

Also known as you and I.

I “ “wingeth through the blue” and at “[my] coming they push forth the green” “ because I bring spring.

I herald an easter Sunday for your tired soul.

You shot me down from the sky.

And, you did it by virtue of No-One’s weapon but your own.

A Happy Death for me. A Swan’s life born anew in you.

“ “In all the Universe [a] Swan alone in motionlessness, it seems to move as the Sun seems to move; such is the weakness of sight.” “

“ “O fool!”…”Motion is relative; there is nothing that is still.” “ Let me shoot my arrow at you this time. From your “ “ [feathered] breast poured forth blood” “ and I felt ecstatic and you discovered ichor. Now, let me ecstatically enrapture you until your veins flow with it so richly as to sustain this demiurge. You are no longer a Pure Fool because you know. The men that smote you last time will not let you pass again. But, I can sneak you through the gate. Folly is my protector. Let me use it for the protection of the soul of another.

⊙

I am ignorant of the rule and the action taken breaking the rule was kindly intended.

(says the little boy who cried ‘Wolf’)

(says the collective mind who was “just taking orders”)

⊙

Consequences occur regardless of intention.

Risk is underwritten.

In tension, intension.

Suspension of beginning an action and witnessing the resultant reaction and effects of your affect.

I have been called Artemis, Sagittarius (until the stars changed), centaur and satyr.

I read of the marriage of Christian Rosencrutz. Send them my congratulations and best wishes, please.

Where is the Castle and what of the Tower?

“ “By my word, I know you are Parzival-son of Herat’s Affliction” “-and I have recovered the weapon that you flung off after using it to pluck me down from the sky and into the blue lake.

I have discovered-upon that Might of Love which you used to render me slain. You “succeeded where all others had failed,” dear one.

You say you do “now as yet know [t]he True Name-the Word of [Ewer]-Being, though in the past [you had] been called by many names.”

You mention this: “one thing [you] desired to know and to understand. What is the Grail!”

You have already been told that “ “By no one can it be detected Who by itself is not elected.” “

And, you then did “ “Bestride the Bird of Life [because] thou wouldst know.” “

I desire to know if you came to me by slaying me because you wanted to know or because you wanted to know me. And to what end did you intend this knowledge?

The difference between a means to a desired end and being the end desired.

Dis-ingenuity. Do not be disingenuous, sorrel.

It will make it so much worse for you. Through it you turn three pounds of pleasure into three pounds of misery. Should misery please you, you will never be miserable again, if you act duplicitously or maliciously.

A knight need only be kind. Do not attempt to placate with being nice. Kindness does not impress. It empresses upon. Kindness is a way of being and not an act of valour to be selectively undertaken. Kindness can appear cruel to outsiders.

So, I also ask: are you kind?

I desire to know how you found yourself at the intersection of right now. Face to face with me.

This is the cost of admission. Tell me these things and I shall sneak you through the gate.

I just hope you are as brave as you believe yourself to be. Sometimes it will get dark. You have coronated me a Queen of Magnets. I attract all poles.

Howl I hope it is not just a ceremonial sobriquet, sweet fool.

“We are the ELLIPSE OF THE UNIVERSE.”

Tangled feedback loops of the complex systems.

Write something on addicted: he writes.

Rates of consumption.

Knee jerk response to what we have known for ages.

Paracelsus.

sola dosis facit venenum.

I drink a case of you and find myself barely on my feet.

But, still

I am on my feet.

A pH balance. All of us. Welcome to yourself and kindly

say hello.

A near death experience is well documented as being præter-natural.

There is no reason to fear.

Change.

Chemical composition.

There are people addicted:

to remaining married.

to eating sugar.

to hearing the sound of their own name.

to gossiping.

to risking their joys due to lack of control.

to fitting in.

to not making waves.

to positive feedback.

to attention.

There are people addicted to the subtle repression

of the ones they love the most.

There are those addicted to never abiding in the

heart of one for too long.

There are those addicted to the vanity of not

being vain.

A rabbit hole of exploration.

What is your resultant self harm to harm of others ratio?

But, harm is harm.

And harm is subjective.

Sometimes enjoyable to the harmed.

Tangled feedback loops of complex systems.

to Port Townsend

They make parking garages into boats.

The cars below do not feel the apparent-wind like us walk-ons do.

A pair passes by me. I hear: “How did those stickers get put on there?”

Orcas, while rarely seen, do swim here in the Sound.

A family passes by me.

“How did those stickers get put on there?” I hear again.

{~}

On the bench to my right, a fellow in a cowboy hat is photographed by a slight and pixie-like gal.

She has a camera. A proper, right aperature. She does not repurpose her cell phone for the task. Perhaps it speaks to the value she places upon her subject and the tools required to properly achieve her artistic desired ends.

On the other side of the water is a Townsend of a port. It is filled with salty sea dogs of the best kind. One of the last bastions in the world of expertise and experience re: wooden sailboats.

It was built in a decidedly Victorian style during the late 1800’s. Elaborate stone buildings that would seem more at home in the UK.

It maintains four independent bookstores, all on the main [sic. high] street.

Always a positive sign. Yet, one that I seldom see.

The song of a pied piper.

The voice of reluctant troubadour.

An outburst from a seagull sounded like a car alarm.

Investments were made here with the intent to create a massive, international shipping port. This place was supposed to be what Seattle became, but the railroads did not lay track here as anticipated. They routed through Seattle.

A hazy cover of clouds lingers. There are immense mountains so close by, yet abiding unseen.

I pass two places that I recall having seen in dreams. Deja v/u/iew.

And, it smells like the Gulf of Mexico does. Destin, AL, just next to the Florida’s panhandle.

Salt. Seaweed. It reeks of things always being wet and never drying out.

It is a town of artisans, artifacts, and craftsmen. As it was explained to me: It is a sailor’s paradise because there are only 24 days of “good” sailing weather here.

I consider that type of sailor. Yup, they are the same sea dogs that still build their vessel from wood and not fiberglass.

There are rigger shops every other block. Schooners, sloops, cutters, ketches: the number of sails and the number of masts varies, but they all require a great deal of properly positioned and tightened rope. It becomes a specialty, like navigational skill.

It sings of waves falling down. It hints at waters ceaselessly lapping rocky shores like relentless thoughts and worries carving canyons in the contents of your confidence.

Seagull shit stained rocks and buildings made of stone. Barnacle blooms come into view on the hulls and the buoys during this time of low tide.

I feel the demands of a restless mind clicking out thought and notion like an antique stock ticker. I cipher telegrams regarding the health of your economy.

Waveform and flows rising and ebbing. Coming like crimson tides in the waters of words flooding my mind’s. Aye.

A hum escapes and vibrates from my throat. A quirk. A noise I make unconsciously when roaming in my mind.

Have you ever surprised yourself by hearing your own voice?

I speak mostly through unspoken scrawls. My loudest voice comes from silence when speech is expected. Fishermen hooking attention.

The vocal manifestation of the underlying punctuation is realized through the intervals.

Rests between notes.

How many beats per minute in the measures of the sentences comprising your composition? Moving as do canvas and a pallete knife conjure acrylics into patterns.

All boats must be houseboats when afloat. They are the sustainable sanctums stopping you from dropping into the briney depths.

While it may keep you from taking the plunge immediately, it does grant you access to the deeper and deeper waters, where both stillness and churning are ever present.

Path-carving the sloshing surface.

There are seagulls cackling out “ha-ha-ha” from all around. It sounds much like the blahyadablah of the “hi. how are ya’s,” or like all adults to Charlie Brown.

There are no speed boats here.

No yachts.

Fast and flashy find no quarter.

⊙

How am I?

The shopkeep asks.

Good question.

I know that I am, but how it is that I am, I do not know.

Do you know how you are?

I make. I do, that much I also know to be true.

I smile and say “Oh you know, I’m covering the spread.”

I stop by the independent record shop.

They sell vinyl with a smattering of cassette tapes and other obsolete formats.

They do not sell CD’s. Great curation.

I got the cassettes below for four dollars U.S.

After asking the owner what the price is, I am informed the MD is a mix made years ago by an employee, to be played in the shop. It was given to me for free. The shopkeeper was highly amused at my interest in it.

I mention that seeing three albums by Mott the Hoople made my day.

The shop owner says: started my day with them.

He reaches under the counter and produces the album sleeve for The Hoople.

A sea of faces in hair.

Evidenced.

A child eyeballs me on the ferry ride home. Sliding closer and closer to me.

I say: I’m Casey.

S/he says: I didn’t ask you.

I say: I just thought I’d tell you.

Macy then tells me many things very quickly.

S/he worries deeply about the dangers of sharks when s/he takes the ferry, for instance.

S/he stops speaking briefly and stares at me and says: I think my eyelashes are like yours. We have the same eyelashes.

Vagrants.

Yesterday, I wondered if street people aren’t secret soldiers

and, gutter punks the new hippies.

Restaurants are life’s waiting room.

Offices seem like life’s tomb, while

The den of a living room can be a womb.

Watch “Brittany Howard – He Loves Me (Official Live Session)” on YouTube

No rights: homage and mega ups to Brittany Howard of Alabama Shakes fame.

I saw them open for Crazy Horse in Tuscaloosa, AL.

There was a small wooden desk to stage right.

An awesome artist out of my home state.

Hometown heroes, huh?

Here are her thoughts on the South and music.
Deontay Wilder, falls into this category, too.

[sic. Wilhagan’s Irish Pub daze.]

(But, that’s another story.)

King Crimson: in/Discipline

Two songs.

The catharsis of juxtaposition produces handmade syncretism.

Pendulous and diabolical.

Indiscipline. (Old Grey Whistle Test, 1982)

discipline. (Live in Argentina, 1994).

68 Coffeecake/86 Crab. tuesday

If you comment: it’s not exactly rocket science, you sound like you think you are a rocket scientist.

⊙

The silver couple arrives. She forgets my name but gives me a new one each day. Curly Sue. Dimples.

Today, I am Goldilocks.

She asks the bartender my name when she thinks I cannot hear. She suggests I read the poem Casey at the Bat. Hum, huh.

The village beach preservation busy body society has two tables held for them. One for the men and one for the women. Twelve seats total. Only three women come. They talk the politics of healthcare and about the addicts in their lives.

Our speakers play almost decent, easy listening blues. If you can imagine such a thing. Almost-Stevie Ray Vaughan comes on.

Nearly-Suite: Judy Blue Eyes plays.

We are slow enough that I actually noticemusic is playing.

And, time moves slowly now.

The reservation for six at noon became 4 at fifteen ’til

.All named Pat.

“You are pulling my leg, right?”

“No! It’s Pat’s Day. Okay, now I am kidding you about that. We are all named Pat.”

He and the other Pat (only two have arrived) laugh uproariously.

Mike comes by to make a reservation.

He shows me his Book of Answers.

“My wife found this in 2000. Ask a question and flip to any page.”

He carries a green street sign in a plastic sleeve under his left arm, hugged against his ribs.

He adds:”You don’t have to tell me the question.”

I silently ask the question on my mind.

Tolle Lege.

The page I flip to, it reads:

it is not guaranteed.

That figures: I think.

The thing about which I framed my inquiry is not guaranteable.

He and Tony will return for lunch tomorrow.

A regular left me this.

Cartesian-ism

I’ll see it when I believe it : I think therefore I am.

I’ll believe when I see it : I’m seen therefore I am.

_____________________________________________

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” say the lesser apes.

“You’ll see it when you believe it,” you said.

Cogito, ergo sum.

What René Descartes is remembered as saying.

Je pense, donc je suis.

How Descartes first wrote it.

I think therefore I am.

(tautological?)

“Whatever I have up until now accepted as most true I have acquired either from the senses or through the senses.” (7:18 Principles)

But Descartes feared a deceptive God or an evil eternal deceiver.

Could he trust the apprehensions of his physical senses?

He could not disprove that his sensations were not the result of deception; so he dove into doubt. How is sensation different from perception?

“We have a true or genuine perception of something if, when we consider it, we cannot doubt it…In the face of genuine clear and distinct perception, our affirmation of it is so firm that it cannot be shaken, even by a concerted effort to call those observed things into doubt. (7:145 Meditations)

Descartes tried to free us from “I’ll believe it when I see it.” He tried to disavow the authority and immediacy of knowing the world through sense and sensations. He did not believe that his five senses could apprehend truth in a way that overcame his doubt.

He found doubt and did not believe.

His belief was not dependent on sensual stimulation.

I’ll see it when I believe it.

I think therefore I am.

Perceptions that I cannot find a scrap of a reason to doubt, may be genuine.

So, we doubt the hell out of everything; and, if we exhaust every doubt of which we may conceive, we firm up our grasp of reality. Through dint of doubt, all doubt is removed. This is intellect.

“I think.” He couldn’t find a doubt about it, so he allowed his capacity for thought and doubt to validate his existence- that he “is.”

His sensations could be virtual reality, so he doubted what he saw.

When he had no doubt that he “thought”, he then believed he truly “was.”

—————————————————-

Empiricism resists and refuses the subjective realm, and is founded on a principle of obtaining information via senses and standardized measurements.

Science, empiricism, and Western culture say, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

I got a (dumb) cell phone in 2002.

My family got dial up internet in our home around 1998.

Before the mid-1990’s, we could not be in two places at once (physical, say, a restaurant, and cyberspace).

The advent of Facebook, Instagram, selfies, social media and internet culture creates a condition for, “I’m seen therefore I am.” I validate myself and reality by reproducing images of myself digitally which I post to get views online. I act the role of myself in a construction that I calculate. I show what I want when I want to in the hopes others will come to know me as I have shown myself to be.

My sister’s generation operates on “I’m seen therefore I am.”

Little digitally savvy savages.

Groups eating together and everyone has a screen. Silicon is always in hand. Take it away and they sweat.

The viewpoint of this age group: I am capable of being observed by others, this validates that I “am.”

The desire to be seen, get friended, followed, liked, hits is the want of confirming and calculable feedback that digital you has been observed and accepted by others. The cyber persona may be chosen moment to moment, so to speak. Day to day personas are less so chosen.

They’ll believe it when they see it.

Yeah, we’ll cure cancer,

And pigs can fly,

God exists,

Well, that is, I’ll believe it when I see it’s already been done.

The more individuals who say likewise, then the less individuals we have working to solve these problems. Presumably, the people waiting to see it will not be trying to manifest it. Why would they?

To them it is impossible until somebody else says, “I’m going to believe it is a possibility to cure cancer, and then I will find out if I can realize that possibility, perceive it.”

There is a lovely lack of cynicism in “I’ll see when I believe it.” There is a proper dash of humility regarding our own self-awareness.

————————————————————–

“I’ll believe when I see.”

This, however, indicates an inherent incredulity and it absolves the self of accountability.

That which cannot be seen or sensed stands on unbelievable ground.

“I’m seen therefore I am.” I see myself and receive systematic, calculable feedback that others have seen me. This validates that I am. I can show it you, point at it.

Alternatively, “I think so I am” puts the onus of doubt back on any given individual. She talks of what can or cannot be seen/perceived at this time. She does not have to state a belief position. This frees the mind in the sense that here belief follows one’s own perceptions, and, perceptions may be addressed through the process of doubt. I do not choose my beliefs as much as I become aware of them. I do not choose to believe based on what I have or have not perceived.

My beliefs are revealed to me by the things I perceive and then I am unable to doubt them. What I see allows me to come to know my beliefs and tweak them. My belief in the possibility of things does not necessitate their appearance.

I’ll see less things on earth than things I will see in this lifetime. Shall I really constrain myself to such a small set of experiential data?

I’ll see it when I believe it : I think therefore I am.

I’ll believe when I see it : I’m seen therefore I am.

Monday’s Hostess

It is nearly sunny over Puget sound by eight a.m.

My feet pound pavement. Walking to work.

A simple luxury of the highest order.

A man hugs three people outside the osteria,

one at a time,

ring around the roses style.

Lighting a cigar, he and his bulldog walk away and across the street to

my side of the road.

They precede me by about six feet as we walk.

I inhale deeply the spirals of smoke that follow him.

I feel less sheepish about the plumes of vapor I emit.

He stops to let me pass.

“Don’t want you breathing my fumes.”

“I was enjoying it.”

I was enjoying it, too.

“Showbiz Kids” comes through my cans.

Steely Dan’s Countdown to Ecstasy.

Five minutes later, I arrive at the cozy, little bistro located on Main Street. Two blocks from the water. I see the beach town’s Monday morning is already in full swing. Live and bumping with mostly silverhairs, at this hour.

The exception being a thirty-something couple that I wager is still out from last night.

They drink a lot of water.

(No one likes ice in their water here.)

I hum my hellos to the front of house crew.

I get mumbles back. It is early.

I announce my hellos to the back of house who are singing a song in Spanish that I have never heard. They wave enthusiastically. They have been here three hours longer than front of house.

Their coffee already kicked in.

⊙

11:05 a.m.

and, the sun finally asserts itself, breaking free from behind clouds.

This thrills and disappoints.

I am already sweating. The A/C unit has not worked since I started.

I am used to the heat from my former life.

I hear garbled voices rise:

“[Something, something, something] Moroccan immigrants!”

Followed by:

“[Something, something, something] So what?! People look at you funny? Big deal.”

I doubt he knows what that feels like, but

what do I know?

As he leaves, I smile and offer the obligatory: “Thanks for coming in. Have a good day.”
He halts.

“No!” he says, then approaches me.

Stepping in close.

“I had a friend and when people told him to have a good day, he’d say, “Don’t you ever tell me what to do.” “

I laugh and I mean it.

“Well, in that case, I sure hope you have an awful day,” I say with nonchalance.

He looks confused then smiles.

“This one, huh?” he says to no-one, indicating me with a finger.

“Didn’t you learn pointing at people is impolite?”

“Everybody’s Going Wild” Detroit Cobras

Punk yodeling?

As cool as gypsy punk.

They get raw live. I dig their studio ventures, too.

This is from Baby.

Check out more here.

Motor Mouth

To break the invisible nothingness. To turn your glass house into a looking-glass house where people gather all alone to lookout on their own outlooks. Turning out, sucking bellies in. Broadcasting.

Transcript of the transcryption was the cipher of your steganography.

○

The forest beside my house is stunning. An impromptu ambient music piece was performed when I left for my walk the other day. The turning on and off of machinery. Bird calls and tapping hammers. Then again, maybe it was all in my head.

‘He said “It’s all in your head”

And I said “So’s everything”

But he didn’t get it’.

Except, I am all in. I don’t fold but I bend and stretch.

Love defies cost.

°

Ruthless introspection. A hesitancy towards interrupting. An assumption that “if I’m being honest” is a redundant statement. A rather primal love of testing the limits of my understanding.

A people pleasing nature that struggles. A devil’s advocate that cannot resist running her mouth and asking follow up questions. The kids call it getting to the next screen, I believe.

°

Presentiment masquerading. Uninvolved observers evaluating.

That is why fools try too hard. Is caring creepy?

Giggle. I can be!

The world is just too surprising. We are born wild and subjected to domestication wherein we learn to be mindful of the opinions others have and present of us to ourselves. Where we learn to fit the molds others would like to see us fill. We learn to enjoy expressing and developing opinions on any number of things. I can run my mouth off better than many and cannot always back everything up. Dummy up is my M.O.

☆

The best thing about getting a LP/EP in a physical format, no mp3 or livestream, is that it is very hard to take care of.

Prepositional ending intended.

“Are You Happy Being A Schmuck? Lou Reed, Sydney 1975”

No rights: homage.

I am a part-time many things, but a full-time rock n’ roll animal.

While I am on record as not enjoying hearing musicians talk about their music, there are several notable exceptions that make the rule.

Neil Young, Johnny Lydon, Michael Stipe, Joni Mitchell, David Bowie.

But, my absolute favorite musician interviewee is Lou Reed.

This captures some of his essence.

This captures all the bizarreness of journalism and media.

A Bath for archimedes

Ardor is ard(ours).

Come, I shall draw a bath for you.

Two glasses of Malbec.

Close your eyes and speak the words you hear.

I wish to take diction.

Victorian modernity mentality bound, hound.

Smile creeping in small doses.

Your eyes become 30 years younger.

You speak words softly.

Steadily.

Slowly

But, only at first.

My pen’s scratch against the paper changes. Surface tension of woven papyrus shifting with

Variations in the

coarseness of the grain.

The way my scrawls sound is how you felt when you wore your wool sweater against your bare skin.

White sox lay discarded in the corner.

Shea and lavender scents.

My body quickens at the gravity you begin using, speaking ecstatic poetry.

Body rush. Pert and tightening

to hear you speak in wild abandon, surrendering.

Clutter

She was clumsy.

She forgot other people could not

tell right away.

And, so, she had raced in and embarrassed herself with a bit too much gusto.

Or, so she assumed.

She wanted him to take her dancing where real players made analogue music in a room where people were still allowed to smoke. It would be loud. It would be crowded. And, their lungs would hurt the next day.

⊙

“Sing into my mouth.”

That’s what she didn’t say. But, she thought it.

“Did you really just ask that of me?” asks the voice of consternation. Her version of Jimney Crickett.

⊙

“How would you know ferocious?”

“Perhaps you have not prompted the ferocity in my nature.”

“Hum. It is there. Abiding patiently with a kind smile. To imagine requires a capacity for imagination.”

“Provocateur.”

“Hago lo que puedo.”

“You can’t always say what you mean!”

⊙

Matter is the matières of the matieres.

The contents of the materials.

The handmade amatory ambit.

The amatory ambit which I occupy indicates, to the ears of my heart, that

I am the succulent strumpet sometimes called succubus; and it is I to whom you succum/b. My scribbl/es are ascribed to Scribes, all of whom scrieve, for example, scriveners, a penman, and amanuensis.

~\~~\\~\\\\

Just scratching lead to papyrus.

Ambit: (n) that which bounds; a boundary; also the sphere or scope; circumference.

Amatory: designed to excite love, sexual love specifically .

Succulent: the quality of being juicy and fleshy.!

Strumpet: a prostitute.

Succum: as under a burden, yield; to die.

Succumb: to sink down.

Scrieve: to glide swiftly along; Also, to reel off, as a story.

Succubus: a class of demon who has intercourse with humans while they sleep

Scribbl/es: to write or draw hastily or carelessly; to fill or cover something with careless or worthless writings or drawled envelope; a piece of writing or a drawing that is done quickly or carelessly

•amanuensis: (n) one employed to write from dictation or to copy manuscript like a calligrapher, copyist, or scribe.

In Latin, the phrase servus a manu translates loosely as “slave with secretarial duties.” (The noun manu, meaning “hand,” gave us words such as manuscript, originally meaning a document written or typed by hand.

In the 17th century the second part of this phrase was borrowed into English to create amanuensis, a word for a person who is employed (willingly) to do the important but sometimes menial work of transcribing the words of another.

Catchling calling.

You enter, please. Come to me catchling.

I hear you in the forest, leaves skulking.

I smell you just as before.

A little sleep following a long night jolts my mind into these new, waking dimension/s.

I turn

to look at you.

And, I know that I want.

I want with wanton desires.

This kindled flame did fell me before the universe in prostration to the sensation stirring in me.

I shall know you when I see you again. I see you everywhere.

My surrender to pursue the mastery of your pleasure and discomfort.

Your stoic stillness and

those heavy shoulders.

My reserved disposition conceals me

as I see past veils, into swirling thoughts of desires to devour.

Delectable with shameful kindness.

To tell you:

I want to.

I want, too.

I too want to.

Desire wanting after waiting

demands:

be wrapped in gossamer as I

shake you loose from yourself so you can breathe deeply

before me.

Rider and Driver

I reminded myself of my freedom upon awakening this morning.

Howl easy it is to say that word without meaningful intent.

Free from what?: you may ask.

I don’t know. Myself? Selective desires? What I wanted for other people?

My love of this particular previous mode of life.

I can keep my love and desire anywhere.

Choice and temperance decides if I wilt.

I choose to keep some with you because I can.

<>

Hansel and Gretel breadcrumbed the path of the trail taken.

The coach benched the less adept players.

They were told that they were lucky to make the team at all.

Tuned in ghosts may be friendly, right Casper?

My vocabulary grows.

<>

Giggle. Howl fun it is to smile at what others assumed would wreck you.

Howl I laugh at myself until ’til I cry.

Howl strange it makes me feel efficacious.

Everyone can name a thing that or a person who

they want.

Can they evidence a pursuit of the want?

How long can their arms carry wood during the winter.

How much sun can their skin take from the summer?

Silly beast, did you think an invoice for work done would be presented?

Flatter your-being a little more. But,

do not flatter your-self.

<>

The junko flits about the porch upon which I sit.

I doubt s/he has a plan or a concern for my prescence.

S/he is

hungry enough. To naught,

care to hide.

Stellars’ Jays are more self-aware. They won’t come over.

They just look on from the apposite rooftop.

Both can fly.

I know you can run, but can you lift off?

Why taxi on a runway

when there are

highways and byways?

A hitchhiker and a driver.

There is romance to it,

if you survive.

<>

I know you are a bullet. Don’t make me dodge you.

Shoot to kill, huh.

Catch and release?

I am not endangered so don’t bother.

Shoot to wound?

Crueler and more unusual.

Taxi your own dermis first because your trophies are only relevant to you.

Are you a trophy in anybody else’s eyes?

They will clean you regularly and prominently display you.

They may continue to amass more trophies.

Devaluation of a trophy holder not a trophy.